Blessing The Conspired: A Lamentation

Of House and When

2009-03-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

When I thought of something to place in the title bar of this entry, John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men rushed in my mind. I am not quite sure why, but I placed there Of House and When. Not to prevent plagiarism or anything (though I can also consider it XD). I simply placed it to entertain the first thing that pops out of my mind-- my floating mind. My brain can't seem to function very well because there are so many unrelated ideas, unambiguous plans and faded pictures of the past inside my head.

Don't fret I'll share them to you. If you can organize it then lucky you!

Unrelated Ideas:

-They told me that I am not a sufficient writer-- indirectly.
-I picked the wrong song in my playlist and cannot delete the cursed thing.
-I am melancholic about the idea of going to school in vacation's time.
-He never called me back.
-I am weezy.
-I cannot sleep.
-I hate the fact that I am very ironic tonight.

Unambiguous Plans:

-Take piano lessons, my dream and my everything as of today. (with my thread-thick patience?)
-Free myself from figure skating (with my mother's unending nag 'bout my rusting shoes?)
-Joyride to the North. (without gasoline and the knowledge to drive.)
-Watch Special A (without the DVD and the time)
-Rest. (With COCC training up to the 7th of April?)
-Listen to music all day, no but's and if's. (with my mp3 player abroad "together" with my dad, and my phone headset buried in a pile somewhere )

Faded Pictures of the Past:

So, they are not pictures really. In my mind they are, but here, they're not.
Let me describe them to you.

-I and HIM looking at each other's eyes. I melted in the inside upon seeing his chestnut eyes.
-A cold, star-studded and car-invaded city view at night. The temperature is low, so are my eyes.
-The moon and its craters, smiling at me.
- A portrait of myself wearing a red butterfly glittered dress without HIM.
- My best friends and I smiling with a tree as our backdrop..;)
-HIS picture 13 years ago. Grubby.
-My picture 13 years ago. Neat
-Our picture now. None.

There. I've said it. I give you my whole consent to make anything out of it. And please do tell me after. I suppose that if you happen to reach this part, you will know how crazy my mind works :)

Don't worry i'll post something relevant next time. Something coherent, perhaps.

Dear Reader,

Pardon me for making you read this post. I really need to convince myself now. Now, that I am gradually losing all my consolations. I need to write, and it just so happened that I cannot choose the best topic to write about that I placed them all. I need to fight the part in me that says "You cannot write" by saying "I can still do and I will show you!" But I also want you to know that I didn't wrote this in order to "just" be able to write. I wrote this because this entry is the catalyst of my being an active blogger, again. I wrote this to express, and to give you the freedom on how you take it.

In Love: The Twilight Saga is my baby!

2008-12-17T21:56:00.000-08:00

Well, what could I say? I'm filthy addicted to it. There's nothing that I can compare it to, except from an addictive heroin, I suppose. Like the many who would die just to experience the frenzy of this saga is what I consider myself. This is the story of a star-crossed lovers...fancied with blood-thirsting action, supernatural strength, (pale white and ice cold, yeah) and a uber cool Edward Cullen. It's not very clear, and hell, it's unorganized...sorry for that. Whenever I get so overwhelmed, I get so disorganize...*chuckles*

There are so much, too much, I may add, who are so ready to kill for it. There'll be nothing wrong if I consider myself with them, will there? Ok, whatever. There are so many who like it. There are much too many who loved it. And I can say that those two combined are those who are ready to kill for it...(what's with the kill? I don't know...haha)

So, I guess the intro's cool...with you? I hope. Well, I don't really have to explain it thoroughly right? What can I do, Twilight is just so famous that this space is no longer needed for brief so-so of Meyer's masterpiece... hang on for more of the series guys...

I'll be bringing the updates soon, down and out...

Ang Aming STCJ

2008-04-10T04:51:00.000-07:00

Isang alay para sa aking mga pinakamamahal na mga kaklase, guro at kaibigan na tunay na naging isang malaking bahagi ng buhay ko...

Na kahit pa sabihin na madrama ako ay lubos kong ipinagpapasalamat....

Ang Aming STCJ

Ang Aming St. Therese of the Child Jesus
Binubuo ng mga estudyanteng kung magmahal ay lubos
Pero bago pa man ang lahat ay kumorni
Pakinggan ninyo muna ang aming lab istori
Nagsimula ito Hunyo a-kwatro
Sa isang maliit at masikip ng kwarto
Ng makilala namin ang isa't-isa
At ang natatanging babae na turing namin ay ina
Walang iba kundi si Binibining Aezel Rena
Hanggang sa tumagal ay tumibay ang aming samahan
Nung field trip sa Batanggas, tawanan ang labanan
At ang mga artistahin, astigin nga naman, nung reco ay nag-iyakan!
Lahat tumulo ang luha, parang di uso ang hiyaan. Anu ba yan...
Ah, ang pagsilang pala niyang 'Artistahin'?
Kita ninyo ba yung likod ng t-shirt naming green?
Pero wala yan sa suot namin kasi naman it comes within^_^
Di rin nagtagal humarap kami sa isang pagsubok ng katatagan
Na para bang ang lahat ng guro ay aming kalaban
Dumaan ang maraming araw ng di pansinan, aray! isnaban
Sabi ng iba, mukhang kaaway na titser, kayo'y nangongolekta!
Sagot naman namin siguro nga'y minsan kami ay sumusobra
Ngunit tao lang naman kami tulad ng iba
Pero Theresians, naaalala ninyo pa ba?
Ang keyk na alay natin kay Ms. Vargas noon pa?
Ang 'sori po ms.' sa calcu naten kay Ms. Padicio
At ang tampo ni Sir Baluyot noong Field Demo?
Kung 'di ba naman likas na matatag
Aba' y baka matagal na tayong natinag
Siguro ay matatandaan ninyo pa hanggang huli
Si Michael ang ating presidente, kung saan sa SC rin ay VP?
At siyempre naman, itong ating si JC
Na kahit kailan, SPED man ay nakangiti
Makakalimutan nga ba ninyo ang SPED na trademark ni Ms. V?
Na asar naten kay Michael na asar din kay JC
Mga pauso ni Borja na Marimar, Bengbeng, Parpeklat, Siony at kung anu-anu pa
Na kahit pa buong araw ay mag-asaran at mag-tuksuhan
Masaya naman ang lahat at walang pikunan
Dahil kung sa tototohanan ay mahal namin ang isa't-isa
Magkahiwalay-hiwalay man ay mananatili kaming isa
Tandaan rin na live tayo sa langit
Ui, ngiti na lang, wag na magalit(0_o)
Kaya nga magpasahanggang ngayon
Na tapos na ang klase, kahit pa bakasyon
Ang 2nd Year St. Therese of the Child Jesus
Batch of 2007-2008
Mapa tahimik, pasaway, maaga pumasok o late
Ay walang limutan na tatahakin
Ang landas ng bukas bilang mga 'Artistahin' ('-')

Kung sino man ako ngayon at kung magiging ano man ako sa hinaharap ng mundong ito, walang duda na ito ay dahil sa kanilang suporta, pagmamahal at pag-iintindi.

Do You Believe In Love Before First Sight?

2008-03-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

Do You Believe In Love Before First Sight?

It was indicated on the front page of Reader’s Digest, a monthly magazine, Issue-I-Can’t-Remember-Anymore. The manticore of the said article is quite catchy; it’s the exact counter part of the jargon, “Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?”

In today’s generation, this is the so-so of the most. What do I mean?

There are several encounters that embrace the said conspiracy, to put it in black and white. People who lives and think on the verge of the 21^st century is well-aware of how widespread this scenario really is.

So what in the world of blogosphere is that love (before first sight?) relationship or something am I talking about? For those of you my dear readers who wasn’t used reading an article of someone as unusual as the author of this post, then let me teach you how.

You are, of course very familiar with “Long-Distance Relationship” and I’m pretty sure that you ‘re aware that this do not only covers those situation which all LDR’s supposed to be (and there’s a rule about going on LDR now?).

The Norm of the Past:

Guy goes abroad and girl stays behind. They love each other. They communicate with each other through all means of communication, 24/7. If there’s a will, then there’s a way.

The Now of the Present:

Guy’s on the North hemisphere and girl’s on the South Pole (ok, she’s not a polar bear or anything. Pretend, pretend!)

They love each other. They communicate with each other through all means of communication, 24/7. If there’s a will, then there’s a way. And—there’s more! They decided to meet at the equator. The center of it all!

And there’s super nothing wrong with that, is there?! I can’t find any flaw to put beside LDR’s name. It just makes me wonder how two people get along so quickly and so intimately together though they haven’t met completely, mind you, not even once! Love is pretty amazing. It’s some kind of a supernatural phenomenon to be considered. It’s something that even when the world’s greatest scientist tries to explain , there would still be someone who will contradict, opposite to his Theory of Relativity, who not a soul will be going object.

So Do You Believe In Love Before First Sight?

A True Story of Love Before First Sight

2008-03-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

This is a true story. I am the leading lady and he is my leading man. It does not end here! Well… I think it would not end here. I suppose it is not really ending here. Ok, so what do you think, does it really ends here?

What ends where?

Inside the mediocre chatroom, I made myself at home as possible. It is one of the most popular and one of the most loaded chatroom in a very popular chat service program that I can name (for it’s alias of course!) Yahoo Messenger. I’m getting bored with the things I’m always used to type with the details I’m forced to give, over and over again. “Ruby, 14, F, LPC” Yeah right! The NASL that stands for Name, Age, Sex and Location. Then, all of a sudden there’s a small box that appeared in my monitor that caught my entire attention. “Anung name niyo po?” And for the first time, I got a PM (Private Message) from a total stranger that is NASL free.

I was moved. And he, Michael, as he introduced himself to me is very courteous. He seems to be someone that won’t do anything to anybody. He is a basketball varsity player from an elite university. He is studying Civil Engineering at that time. The conflict was, he is six years older than me. And now, everytime we chat, it’s always on my mind to think that if ever I’ll fall in love with him, will age really doesn’t matter?

Ok so I guess it wouldn’t. He courted me. It was on my birthday that I’d decided, instead of receiving a gift from someone, it’s better to give someone a gift. A gift that I would not just be buying on some store I will pass by. A gift that—in fact cannot be bought. I said… yes.

Then not so long after he and I got together, without really being “together” problems, different kind of problems rushed in. There’s someone who claimed to be his GF, who seems to be like a total terrorist, there’s this “Sorry, I cannot be with you in this hour, I have someone to be with kasi eh, classmate ko sa Theology. Ingatz Mahal” Then the worst part: ” I’ll be going to the States for an operation. I have lung cancer” Then her ate started chatting with me and keeping me posted of how he was doing. I couldn’t believe it. I know it’s not true. I cannot believe it, nor accept the fact that Faye, his older sister, one day told me that “Michael is no one but a corpse now. Don’t be shocked.”

Too late. I am already been!

As a matter of fact I do not know if it’s just a set-up or what. I don’t know a thing. I can't absorb what the situation is trying to tell me. He can just- they could just make it all up! But one thing’s sure, I am not that wise enough to know how a nineteen-year old man could be that serious with a mere fourteen year-old girl.

Now, put the blame on me.

Missing's Cool

2008-03-26T03:10:00.000-07:00

It's been almost two weeks now since I left my old school. Since I were a sophomore student. Since I was free of all the burdens condemened into my already bulging shoulders. Since I laugh. Since I laugh the laugh of happiness only a good, heartfelt feeling surrounded with clssmates, friends and teachers can bring.

Missing school is pathetic. No, no, no! I don't mean, my school's pathetic, what I mean is that, it's really weird and ridiculous to be feeling this way. Last time that I can remember myself is while I am sitting in one of the classroom's grafitti-covered, brown-painted wooden arm chair. I was thinking so loudly. Yes thinking so loudly, getting bored and being a couch potato, I wondered when school will end as I rummaged through one of my envelopes looking for a lost test paper at the same time and, wondering, maybe, just maybe when in this- the heck, year all my 'sufferings' will cease penetrating my young, young dear life.

I couldn't do anything. I talk in the mirror, not long enough, i'll shriek, and shriek loud enough for the alley cats behind our streets to move into another hideout and, never come back for the rest of their nine whole lives.

"I'm ugly, I have wrinkles and I look older than my thirty-seven year old mother, I am haggard and don't you touch my shoulder, it's swelling from my big, stupid bag!"

I am shouting, shouting so loud. In fact, inside my mind, I screamed all my lamentations, my regrets and all the things that bothers me. And I'm not that foolish to wake every sleeping soul in the neighborhood at midnight while editing our team's website and solving for algebra, while surfing the net for Nick Vujicic's life without limbs something. Yes, I do scream, scream inside of my already-distorted-just-one-more-and-it's-dilapidated mind.

And as I reminisce about this funny scenario, this one silly part of my whole journey being a teenager, being a student, I couldn't help to smile.

There is this happening, it's still freshly painted on almost 100% of my brain. It was the last day of the school year, my dear sophomore school year. We have merely, a short period to stay together, for the last time, the whole class of St. Therese of the Child Jesus

Morning. The old capiz window is catching the early rays of the golden sun, all of a sudden we noticed something unfamiliar. At the back, on our cleaner/birthday announcement bulletin board, all the data was erased and, written in an ordinary chalk :

"EVERY END IS ALSO A BEGGINING."

As far as I know, nobody found out who wrote it. It's just it.

That's why it's pathetic. Didn't I just say I'm missing school? And would you mind to look your last in its title?

The Kuya I Never Had, Will Never Would

2008-03-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

I'm fond of having somebody much older than I am. Some people whom I've shared this little runting of mine, most often than not always tell me that they prefer not having a kuya (with those who have, yes.) Oftentimes, they scold me for being so uncontented, impulsive and choosy. They always tell me, "Wait 'till you have one, if you will still have, haha, and you'll realize how wrong you were"

Maybe i'm really was not that right being so uncontent. But I really want to have a big brother of my own, someone to make kalamansi juices with after an one-on-one basketball game where the winner would be me, somebody who will tease me to the last whom I will end up pillow fighting with, someone who will play the part of the big boss when facing those guys who were thrashing, hmm, just thrashing right,

... just even to have someone whom I will call, My Kuya.

Just like, "my kuya said so..." "I'll ask my kuya" or "Ayaw kasi ni kuya eh"

It's pretty amazing. People are people. They are always looking for something more, someone more.

Just like yours trully, simplify: me!

I will blame myself and start runting here and there for there's nothing, for God's sake, there's nothing in this vast world that I can do in order to have a kuya of my own. To top things of I am the eldest of the two siblings, me and my bratty (oops?) sister. Period.

If only I can write my past, my entire life story, then I will add a character called a kuya. And to a character named Ruby, I will give him as a present. Hihi!

Crossing the Crossroads

2008-03-25T01:54:00.000-07:00

Crossing the Crossroads, eh? What could my crossroads be? And literally, what is a crossroad?

crossroad: an intersecting path from a different direction meeting at a one particular place. From an old, moth-eaten dictionary, I was able to find this plain definition but, unfortunately, was not able to satisfy my cravings of the exact meaning of the word. I have rummaged the internet for the relief of having to stupefy my burning curiosity but was not, after all that succesful

If you're gonna ask me why I'm so particular with the word, the good-for-nothing-conscience-dealing-I-don't-think-it-exist-and-I-don't-care-about-it-word, i'll simplify.

Just as when I tried to be someone else more than myself and ended up being somebody as stupid as I'm already are, just as when I tried my best to decide; whom to love and whom to hurt, just as when I asked myself whom to prioritize more between my loving family and my hateful, rebellious self. Just as just. I chose to submerge myself in the cold waters of having to deal with decisions and finally breath into it without using my earthly lungs.

On being a sophomore, soon to be a junior highschool student, I know that there are really so much haggles, trials, blackmails (including the pass-this-text-message-to-20-people-or-some- bloody-girl-will-appear-on-your-cupboard-tonight) to face, fight and conquer. And if you'll watch my words closely, they literally mean the same, I used all of them to emphasize how much effort I have to exert in order to win over the stupid battle, and how even an extreme word will not do in the bloody tempest.

So much so far. This is my first post in this blog and most of you my dear readers, (if it happened to be that some unlucky soul passed by my blog, however.) believe in first impressions. I do not want you to think that all I can do with life, it's challenges and twists is to lament. And to babble about how some unlucky girl happened to pass by its road. I wanted to announce to everybody that you are not alone in fighting life's battle, you're not the only one who faces struggle and that, of all things you must do, shall consider yourself, lucky.

Welcome to my world. I do apologize for being sarcastic, egolitical and melancholic. Help me choose my crossroad,be a part of how I live it and if you happened to have a good definition for this crossroad thing, do inform me. Please feel free to ask me questions, send your negative reactions or just say that you happened to pass by my page, (and now belongs to the unlucky ones?) Kidding! What do you think, maybe you're not so unlucky, after all?